No Loopholes

One of the biggest challenges of being a middle school teacher is trying to remember not knowing something that you have known for almost all of your life so that you can teach it to someone who doesn't know it yet.  What seems to be common sense to me is often new to my students, even basic instructions.

Last week, I gave a short quiz on the five stages of the writing process.  It was just about as straight-forward as a quiz can get.

Here is the definition.  What is the term?  Here is an example of one stage of the writing process. Name the stage.  

Easy, huh?  I guess it depends on who you are.  When we were grading this quiz (I let them grade their own papers before I look at them so they know where they need to improve), I got all of the questions that I expected. 

"Mrs. Sanders, do we count off for spelling?"

"Mrs. Sanders, do you care if it's not capitalized?" 

"Mrs. Sanders, is there anything that I can do for extra credit?  I forgot to study." 

The answer to all of these questions is "no" on a quiz like this, and they know it.  They still ask.  

However, I got a question this time that threw me a little.  "Mrs. Sanders, do we count it wrong if we didn't put anything in the blank?"

Pause.  

"Um, yes," I answered, trying not to make a you've-got-to-be-kidding-me face.  I honestly never thought to tell students that they had to answer every question or it would be counted wrong. I thought that was a given.

"But Mrs. Sanders," the boy pressed, "I didn't give a wrong answer."  He raised his eyebrows and smiled broadly, confident he'd found a loophole.

I looked around for support from my other students.  Surely I wasn't the only one who thought this line of questioning was ridiculous.  All I got back were blank stares, amused expressions, and shrugs that told me they thought the kid had a point.   

I thought for just a second before answering.  "You are looking for the presence of a right answer," I explained, "not the absence of a wrong answer.  If you don't see a right answer, count it wrong."  

The light dawned, the boy's eyebrows lowered, and amused expressions all over the room morphed into looks of begrudging admiration.   

Thinking back over that conversation, I have to wonder whether this boy's approach to test taking isn't the same one that so many people who are deciding whether or not to give their lives to Christ are taking to eternal questions.  Do they think that if they simply don't take a stance on spiritual matters, they can't be wrong and won't be punished for their sin?

If so, that's a problem.  There is no neutral ground with God.  The Bible says that you are either for Him or against Him.  

One day, every one of us will stand before God and answer for our sin.  When that day comes, only those who have placed their faith in Jesus Christ to save them and given their lives to serve Him will pass the test.   

I think it goes without saying that those who openly renounce God, choosing a faith that opposes the Truth of Scripture outright, will not enter Heaven.  People who do that understand that they are placing their bets on someone other than Jesus to save them.  They know that if they are wrong, they'll lose out on what Christians have been promised, though many don't fully grasp the weighty reality of hell. 

But what about those who sit the fence their whole lives, unsure whom to believe and too apathetic to seek the Truth for themselves?   What about those who know the Truth but put off making a decision for Christ, assuming they have all the time in the world to commit, and then find out they didn't have as much time as they thought? 

Tragically, they will discover that you can't leave eternal questions blank. 

And it will be too late. 

Jesus is the only answer for sin that God can and will accept.  Without Him, we are lost.  No loopholes. 

Fig Leaves and Spinach

I'm relatively new to this whole transparency in ministry thing, so I'm not sure that I fully understand how it works.  I think I have an idea.  I've been reading blogs and watching a little bit of reality TV lately, and it seems that the key is to let your guard down.  The question is how much? 

There is a distinct difference between transparency and nakedness. Transparency, opening a window to the transforming work of the Holy Spirit in your life, is an appropriate and effective tool for teaching and discipleship. Nakedness, on the other hand, revealing what shouldn't be revealed in public, is inappropriate and counterproductive. 

Uncontrolled anger, apathy, unwillingness to forgive, greed, worldliness, vanity, uncontrolled speech, and unrepentant hearts, these are all things that I've either read about or watched Christians admit to lately both online and on TV.   Frankly, I'm a little disturbed by the number of Christians who are openly confessing their sins to anyone and everyone who will listen and just leaving it at that. 

No repentance.  No turning.  No change.  Nothing but a vague sense of bemused complacency and a secret, shared "Aren't we just awful?"  Wink. Wink.  Nudge. Nudge. 

It disturbs me, but I've done it, too.  Ah, nakedness.  Where's a fig leaf when you need one?  

Proverbs 28:13 "Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy."

Brothers and sisters, it's a good thing for us to confess our sins to each other.  Because we have the same Spirit living inside us, we are able to pray intuitively and effectively on one another's behalf.  If we find ourselves a bit sluggish to repent and change, other members of the Body can pray for that as well, asking God for the kind of discipline and divine intervention in our lives that we hate to experience, but know will ultimately bring with it righteousness and peace.  As followers of Christ and joint heirs in the Kingdom, we belong to one another.  We keep each other strong, and we hold one another accountable. 

We don't share that same bond with nonbelievers.  Whether they realize it or not, they are slaves not to the loving, patient, and forgiving Savior that we serve, but to sin and the Enemy, a killer who wants only to destroy them and hurt us.  To bare apathetic and unrepentant hearts in front of them is to hinder in a big way their progress toward accepting Jesus.  It makes them think that there's no difference between their condition and ours, that sin is a laughing, or at least a casual matter, and that the need to repent is not urgent.  Lies.

Not too long ago, I wrote a blog about my own struggle with worry.  In that post, I confessed my worry as sin, which was a huge, uncomfortable step for me.  That confession was a great start toward repentance and life change for me, but I left it at that.  See, I got a lot of positive feedback from that post from others who struggle with the same thing, and, without realizing it, I created a sort of mini support group for myself.  In my heart, I sat down cross-legged right there in a circle with my new friends and sang Kumbaya to myself.  I forgot that confessing sin is just the first step. 

Proverbs 28:13 "Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy." 

To renounce means "to give up and put aside voluntarily."

About a week ago, I walked up on a conversation at work about cancer, a topic...a word...that stops me in my tracks and makes me break out in a cold sweat.  My friends were talking about a close call that someone they knew had had with the disease.  One of them made a friendly, light-hearted joke about their not being able to continue the conversation in my presence because of what it would do to me.  Instead of putting worry aside and demonstrating what I'd learned about trusting God, I went along with the joke. 

"You know me...," I began, pretending to leave quickly, then froze. 

I had just identified myself by the very sin I'd written about, confirming in my friends' minds--some of whom are not believers--any suspicion they may have had that God had not worked any miracles in my life. They didn't know that it was my fault, not His.  By not renouncing sin, I made a mess of things, possibly causing more harm to my unsaved friends than if I'd never brought up the issue in the first place.

You know, we get pretty bent out of shape and embarrassed when we find out that we've been walking around with a piece of spinach or a fleck of pepper in our teeth for a while.  The first thing we do is think back through all of the people that might have seen it.  If we've been with friends, we get frustrated with them for not telling us, yet, many of us walk around with spiritual spinach in our teeth all the time, knowing the sin is there, but doing nothing about it.  We point it out.  We laugh about it.  We use it to entertain others.

Gross. 

If we're going to do that, I think we'd better just keep our mouths shut, don't you?

Kickers and Knockers: When Bullies Don't Grow Up

I remember those days, stepping out of my mother's car full of warm, familiar morning smells into cooler temperatures and an invisible cloud of car exhaust, holding my breath against acrid fumes and my own uncertain immediate future.  Rounding the blind corner that opened into the commons area of our junior high school, I would will my heart to slow down, my stomach to settle.

It didn't always work.

I knew that if I could get to the music room and Mrs. Herron or to the library without seeing any of my peers, without looking anyone in the eye, I'd be okay.  There were smiles waiting for me there, smiles, compliments, and hugs from grown-ups who didn't care what I wore, how big my front teeth were, or how I sounded when I laughed. 

I didn't always make it.

Sometimes, the doors to the school were locked, and my only choice was to join my peers, wide-eyed, big-mouthed preteens just like me who didn't really mean to hurt my feelings, but didn't mean not to, either.  The boys weren't so bad.  Their jokes, at the very least, were straight-forward, with punch lines like, "Because you're ugly, that's why," and most were the kind you play on a string of people, one after the other, the most recent arrival being the next one to roll a quarter down their nose and leave a line of pencil lead. To me, their teasing seemed more like a way to kill time than an intentional, hurtful attack on me as an individual, so I made my peace with it.

I couldn't say the same for the girls.  Theirs was a subtle, yet pointed kind of teasing that I didn't always understand.  I knew when they were talking about me, though, and I knew when I'd been played.  Sideways glances, knee nudges, and sudden hushes are hard to miss.  Unsure how to respond or whom to trust when that happened, I would stare at my feet and wait for the minutes to pass, all the while feeling conspicuous and awkward, like the last brown leaf on a nearly naked tree.

Miserable.

Maybe that's why I love being a middle school teacher.  Now I get to be the one to offer smiles, hugs, and compliments to kiddos who aren't feeling so sure of themselves, and I get to play the hero and stop bullying before it ever really starts.  I have grown eyes in the back of my head, and "Don't even think about it" happens to be one of my favorite teacher phrases.  However, I can't be everywhere at once, and mean kids are. 

I wish I could tell my students that it will stop when they get older, that the kids that torture them now will grow out of it, but I can't.  It does get better, and some do grow out of it.  Actually, most do, but the truth is there will always be bullies, people who, for whatever reason, take pleasure in hurting and hindering others.  A pastor friend of mine calls them "kickers and knockers."  Appropriate, I think.

I don't have to think back very far to remember the last time someone hurt my feelings or made me feel awkward.  Do you?  It happens all the time, and, even though I am a grown-up now, confident in my abilities and secure in the fact that I am a child of God, it still hurts almost as much as it did in junior high. 

How do I deal with it?  Well, my natural instinct is to plot revenge, and I'd be lying if I told you that I never waste my time rehearsing what I'd like to say to so-and-so in my mind.  But God has changed my heart.  Now, relying on the Holy Spirit for strength and God's Word for guidance, I make a sincere effort to forgive, love, pray, and rest.  FLPR...I know it doesn't make for a very powerful acrostic, but it does take the sting out. 

      *  Forgive. Whether or not the person who hurts you deserves to be forgiven is irrelevant.  None of us deserve to be forgiven (Psalm 130:3-4), but God says to forgive others just as He forgives you (Colossians 3:13).  Refusal to do so is disobedience.  You will not pray powerful prayers (Psalm 66:18) or move ahead spiritually until you finally forgive.  Don't add spiritual paralysis to your pain.  Forgive and give God room to work in your heart and the heart of your offender. 
 
      *  Love.  No matter how difficult it may be to do so at first, choose to love your offender (Matthew 5:44).  Serve them out of love and reverence for Jesus even if you can't muster up any affection for them.  No, it isn't natural to love those who hate you, but the Father knows what He is asking of you.  He gave His son to save a traitor race, remember?  Unconditional love is undeniable evidence of the supernatural Holy Spirit inside of you.  There is no more powerful witness to the truth of the Gospel than a person who can turn the other cheek and love in response to hate.  Want your offender to change?  Love them and let God take it from there.

      *  Pray.  Pray for your enemies.  Ask God to save them, to speak to their hearts, and to bless them.  This discipline isn't for them so much as it is for you.  It brings your thinking in line with God's, the One who feels compassion for the lost regardless of their role in their present circumstances and offers complete forgiveness, salvation, and eternal life through Jesus Christ to all people.  Before you know it, you will be rooting for them, looking for change, and thanking God for any evidence of His activity in their lives.   
  
      *  Rest.  Ultimately, God will take care of your enemies for you.  They will either surrender, repent, and change for the better, or they will be judged and held accountable for their actions.  (If you find yourself hoping for the latter, then you probably have heart issues of our own that need to be dealt with.  Don't we all?)  Remember that God may or may not deal with them in a way that you are able to observe.  Trust Him to do what is right.  Continue to love and pray.  The more you do this, the worse your offender will feel about what he/she did to you (Romans 12:19-21, Proverbs 25:21-23).  If God does choose to punish your offender in a way you can see, don't gloat for a second or God will change His course of action (Proverbs 24:17-18).  You do your job, and let God do His. 

Does choosing to do things God's way make the kickers and knockers go away?  No, but it does replace bitterness and hurt with peace and healing, and it gives God room to work things together for your good and His glory just as He promised (Romans 8:28). 

I can't be your hero, but the Father will be if you let Him.

The "Loop"

What is gossip, exactly?  I've heard several definitions and been given several checklists to go through when deciding whether or not to say something over the years.  You've probably heard these as well.

1. "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."  I think Thumper's momma came up with that one.  I've used it with my own kids.

2. "Before you speak, ask yourself three questions.  Is it true?  Is it kind?  Is it necessary?"  This one actually helps me the most.  The word "necessary" gets me every time.  Very, very rarely can I truly say that something is necessary. 

3. "Don't talk about a person or situation with anyone unless they have the power to help."  I can see where the person who came up with this is going, but, honestly, this is just the loophole that I need when I really, really want to tell someone what I know.  I can think of all kinds of people who could help.  Can't you?

These are good reminders and help some people set boundaries, but I think that most of us know when we are gossiping.  Those who belong to Christ should, anyway.  After all, the Holy Spirit lives inside of us, and one of His jobs is to let us know when we are about to step out of line or already have.  The problem is that we've become desensitized to His voice.  Afraid of being left out of the "loop" or forfeiting our perceived social standing, we've become very adept at stamping out conviction and squeezing the Holy Spirit out of our conversational huddles.

That being said, I've discovered a few truths myself over the years.  Here they are, for what they are worth.

1.  Whom you confide in says a lot about your motives. 
2.  Those who gossip with you also gossip about you. 
3.  Pointing out the faults of others only makes you look bad. 
4.  If you are wondering whether or not you should say something, you shouldn't.
5.  Talking about another person's misfortune shouldn't bring you any measure of happiness or thrill.
6.  Those who really need to "know the facts" usually already do. 
7.  If you are truly concerned about a person's spiritual health, you will talk to them, not about them. 
8.  To discuss strife and conflict within the church with non-believers is to put a stumbling block square in their path. 
9.  If you wouldn't say something to a person's face, you shouldn't say it behind their back.   
10.  No matter how hard you try, you can't take words back. 

Uncomfortable?  Me, too.   

Here's hoping you will let conviction burn just a second before you try to stamp it out.  No, it doesn't feel good, but surrendering to it now will save you a lot of anxiety and remorse in the long run.  Believe me! It will also keep the pathway clear for God to work in the lives of others through you.  He will teach you things about Himself and let you in on what He's up to.  All things considered, I think I'd rather be kept in His "loop" than anyone else's.  Wouldn't you?

His Favorite

Some kids crave attention.  Me?  I wanted to be the favorite.  Hungry for approval and acceptance, I always wanted to be the favorite friend, the favorite student, the favorite grandchild, and--I'll admit it--the favorite daughter.  I really wish I could say that I'm over such silliness, but I'm not. 

I still want to be the favorite friend, the favorite teacher, the favorite grandchild, the favorite daughter, and, yes, the favorite parent.  Of course, anyone who knows my husband knows I'm doomed to lose the favorite parent race.  How do you compete with cuddly, funny, and downright likeable?  You don't. 

When I was younger, I worked hard for favorite status.  Not the favorite friend?  Here, let me give you cuts in line, buy you something, or take your side in an argument.  Not the favorite student?  Okay, let me stay after class, help you clean, and tell you that you are MY favorite.  Not the favorite grandchild?  Well, I'll eat everything you order for me, make you laugh harder, and call you more often.  Not the favorite daughter?  I'll look as pretty as possible, make straight A's, and hold an office in every club that I am eligible to join.  Who knows, I may even tattle once in a while to even the scales! 

You know, I hate to think about what I'd be like now if I still felt the need to work for favorite status.  I'm pretty sure it would be ugly to watch.  Thankfully, I don't. 

See, God's opinion is the only one that matters, and I am His favorite, not in the sense that He loves me more than everyone else, but in the sense that He doesn't love me less than anyone else.  

About ten years ago, a friend of mine noticed that I was caught in a spiritual hamster wheel.  She saw that my constantly competing with others for favorite status was distracting me from God's best, hurting my relationship with others, and destroying my self-confidence (you can't win them all, you know).

"Angela," she began gently, "you're His favorite, you know."  Blue eyes big, she pointed Heavenward and went on to recite a very familiar scripture, one I'd learned as a child and heard so often that I didn't really think about the words anymore or the miracle behind them.

"John 3:16 says, 'For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.'  Don't you see?"  she smiled.  "This verse is about you.  Even if you had been the only person in the whole world, God would still have sent Jesus, the very best that He had to give, to the cross to save you.  That makes you His favorite, doesn't it?" 

It took a moment to sink in, but when it did, I blubbered a "thank you" and squeezed her tiny, blonde neck, something I often did after one of our talks.  I was never quite the same after that. 

Sure, I still like to be the favorite, the favorite friend, the favorite teacher, the favorite grandchild, the favorite daughter, and the favorite parent.  In fact, I do a little dance inside when it seems that I might be at the top of the medal stand for a brief, shining moment, and, although I hate to admit it, I get jealous sometimes, give with ulterior motives, and begrudge others the attention and recognition they receive.  I usually catch it early, though, and confess and repent as quickly as I can.  I do not want to get sucked into the hamster wheel again. 

Who needs that grief?  Not me.  I am God's favorite, after all. 

So are you!